Nataliia Bohdanova

And What It Cost Me…

How Our Friendship Began

I was close friends with a woman for many years. We met through our husbands — her husband was my daughter’s godfather. Our husbands were friends, and so our families became close. She was a difficult woman — moody, sensitive, and very particular about how things should be. Everything had to be done her way: where we met, what champagne we drank, what cigarettes we smoked. But I didn’t mind too much — I considered myself the stronger one and didn’t see the harm in humoring her.

Small Things Started to Bother Me

However, as time went on, small things started to bother me. Once, she subtly suggested that my daughter might have taken her missing silver ring. That was impossible, yet the implication stung. Then there were nights when I stayed at her place late, only to find out I couldn’t stay over because “there was no room” — even though she and her husband had separate bedrooms. Meanwhile, getting a taxi to my neighborhood was nearly impossible, and I had to walk home late at night, taking unnecessary risks.

The Moment That Changed Everything

But one incident hurt me the most. I was near her home and urgently needed to use the bathroom. This wasn’t an awkward or inconvenient request — it was a basic, physiological necessity, something no one should ever have to justify. I called her, asking if I could stop by for just a few minutes. But she told me she was at her neighbor’s house and that it wasn’t a good time.

I knew that if we had planned to meet in advance, she would have welcomed me. But since it was on my terms and not hers, I was left to figure it out on my own. That moment was a turning point for me.

She Was Stuck in the Past

She lived in a world that was stuck in the past — she refused to upgrade her phone, resisted any kind of change, and seemed to find comfort in misfortune. Illness and hardship were a constant presence in her life, and I realized she had grown accustomed to them. And gradually, I felt myself being pulled into the same pattern.

The Breaking Point

The final straw came when her mother fell ill. She completely shut down, stopped answering calls, and refused any help. Eventually, I just gave up. Our friendship faded into silence.

But what shocked me the most was that when she became ill herself, she believed everyone had abandoned her because of her sickness. She never realized that our friendship had unraveled long before that. By then, I had already felt invisible in our relationship for quite some time — acknowledged only when it was convenient for her.

The Key Lesson

This is not about saying she was wrong and I was right. I respect her — she is a good person. The real problem was that I never spoke up about how I felt. I kept quiet, afraid of hurting her or ruining our friendship. And in the end, everything fell apart anyway — suddenly, like an avalanche.

If only I had been honest earlier — if I had told her what was bothering me — maybe she would have explained herself, defended her actions, or even changed. Or perhaps we would have parted ways on better terms, understanding that we had simply outgrown our friendship.

Speak Up Before It’s Too Late

Too often, we stay silent in relationships because we fear losing them. But sometimes, an honest conversation can save a friendship. And if not, at least it allows it to end at the right time — without resentment, without regret, and without years of unspoken frustration.